I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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