I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
