he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
how drunk are you?
Several
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
