She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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