turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
