After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
