I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
