I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
