my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
