I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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