i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
