and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
