where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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