Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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