just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've blown a few things in my day
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
