Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
