The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
