Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
