tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Text me some of your sweat
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