Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
