I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
