I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
