you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
