He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
