The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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