ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
