she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
