guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
