Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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