after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
no you cant smoke seaweed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
