I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
