Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
