Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
