dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
