what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
