Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
