wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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