Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
