Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
