I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
