So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
