I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
