I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
