So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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