someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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