i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
