My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
