Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
id be glad to
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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