he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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