worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
