its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
